When does control go? Where does it go? I need a pre-teen monitor!

Remember the baby monitor. I was only a few feet away from my sleeping babies but I could hear their quiet breathing as they slept. I clutched that baby monitor in my hands whether I was going for a few seconds or a 1/2 hour out in the yard to play with the my older child. I knew my babies were safe. Now I have a 10 year old son who is venturing out into the world and growing up quicker than I thought. I need to find a pre-teen monitor with a video camera.

I am an in-between mom. I had my kids earlier than most. I missed out on the play groups & the mom bonding of the moms who had their babies in their thirties and decided to stay at home. Most of my friends either have grandchildren or babies. My kids are pre-teens right now. I have learned from older friends about some things but I do not have a group of moms to bounce my thoughts off of many times. I have to wing it.

My son is ten and ready to be out in the world. His world albeit consists of a few square blocks in our neighborhood and the swim club. He has an "emergency" cell phone because he cannot technically have a cell phone. Our family rule is 6th graders get cell phones, not 5th graders. Yesterday, he got in trouble at the club for goofing off. I did not swoop in but let him handle this situation. There were some tears but hopefully this helped him understand that some of his jokes are not funny to others. There were some tears by me because I had to let him work through this situation on his own.

He also has no fear. His older sister was more hesitant to do all the big kid stuff. He jumps right in. He said he was thinking of crossing one of major roads to visit a friend all by himself. My daughter still won't. I think he is this way because he has been able to watch her grow up. They are only two years apart. He gets the luxury of watching her do all of the firsts & seeing her experience the fear and dread that they may not work out.

It is not a luxury nor fun for me to decide if he is old enough. At my house growing up, there were always firm dates and rules. I could not get my ears pierced until 6th grade. I was not allowed to wear black until well into high school. I did not like my mom very much for these rules because I had an older sister who was 4 years older than me and wanted to catch up with her. I however knew what to expect, when to do it and how to do many things way earlier because of her. My mom says she had these rules because she wanted us to have things to look forward to as we aged. I think it was because she was not ready herself to have 4 pseudo grown-up teen-agers living with her. It also gave me cause to rebel.

My son's world is much bigger and more complicated than mine ever was. I was not allowed to watch Three's Company which aired 1 night for 1/2 hour. Now, my son can turn on the t.v. and pretty much find any kind of t.v. show good, bad and ugly at any hour. I find I have to discuss more things with him than my mother ever thought to discuss with me. So who has control? Is it me, him or the t.v.? I try to keep a good balance in his life. I try to help him stay a 10 year old. So where is my monitor? What tells me when he is in trouble? What tells me when he is o.k. What tells me when to back off? Anybody interested in inventing this next great invention?