About Me

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I am old soul who covers the grey really well. I love to be active and creative. I am blogging to help keep the memories alive and to keep those special moments around.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Pre-teen with teen ideals

I do not know who invented the word pre-teen. It is a subtle warning to all that will come. I would like to now throw a new word into the lexicon: pre-forty. Both words sound so much better than the actual words: teen & forty. My daughter is on the cusp of thirteen & I am on the cusp of forty. This is not a good mix. I feel tired and old but I am supposed to look 28! My daughter is young and fresh but she is supposed to look older and cool.

I know I can remember my own teen age years but I never had to deal with myself as a teen. There is no pre- to our 12 year old anymore. I think we are now officially in the teens.

I did not get any warnings. The pre- left with her flavored lip glosses and cute books about lost puppies who find their way home. The pre- left quietly in all of her pink and purple and sometimes tomboyish innocence. She left without saying a L8R or LOL! BTW, the pre-teen wants to take her cute pink cell phone with her & expects a newer and better one its place.

The teen then just showed up. She ran into the house, left her stuff in the hallway and ran to her room without a word or a text message. I had seen the teen lurking around before this with her new piercing needs and her excessive phone use. I had hoped she would ease herself into the mix but I have learned that is not possible.

First, I want to know what the chat abbreviation for moody is. Then, I would invent one for outlandish expectations and even greater needs. She has not cranked the music up yet but I am trying to find my sweet daughter through all of the wires she is attached to. The teen spent 10 hours at the mall this weekend in two separate days. During this time, she spent all of her babysitting money on even more tank tops and another cute little change purse. She never called but instead TM'ed me when she needed something like a ride. (Hey moms, where are all of you? Why I am I the ride mom?)

The teen also attended a birthday party. Afterwards, it was expressed to me that her friend's mom was cooler than moi because I will not throw her a grand, extravagant birthday party this year like her friend had. The teen could not be dropped off any earlier than the party's start but when we arrived late, this all of my fault. How horrible to be 3 minutes late. Before this, there were 5 clothing changes and a trip to the drugstore in order to get a forgotten card. The icing on this birthday cake was that my teen was not happy that we took her brother to the movies w/o her because she was at this party.

Oh, pre-teen you can come back and visit anytime. I loved your shyness and your silliness. I loved your inability to tell time or even care about it. I have your room ready. It is the one we did together that you absolutely loved and now want to repaint. I loved buying everything for you in sweet flavors. I loved helping you find clothes instead of just sitting outside the store. Most of all, I would love for you to give me a few clues about the teen. Don't just leave her and myself hanging. I see her every once in awhile using the strawberry lip gloss and I know you are around. I know you can relate and can tell me how.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Friends come and go but what about web friends?

My daughter and I have had many conversations about what a friend is to her. She knows the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. She is in middle school. You remember the dreaded years of cliques and back-stabbing. She is face to face with all sorts of people who claim a friendship with her. Some of them are true and as you remember, some of them aren't so true. I believe she knows what it is to be a genuine friend but now I feel we have to have a different conversation about friends - web friends.

She is not on Facebook yet but I am. Believe me, it is for playing Scrabulous only, well mostly. I now have 28 "friends" on this social web site. I have found some of them like some childhood friends by searching for their names. One childhood friend lives on the west coast so we never see each other face to face but I have him now as friend on Facebook. Other people have found me by searching for alumni from high school. The big question is are they real, true friends on the web?

Now if Facebook was middle school, I think there would be a lot more categories. I would have an acquaintance category, a pal category, a confidant category and a "he is not my friend but he thinks he is" category. I wonder has Facebook changed the true definition of friend? Or are web-friends different than real life friends? When my daughter is on the web and eventually has hundreds of friends there will she understand this version of a friend? Should there be a new word for web friendship? Should it be a Webby? Or a Webman? Or a Wriend?

Don't get me wrong, I am happy to even have 28 friends on Facebook. I look at other people who have friends numbering in the hundreds and I am jealous! (even though I am only on there to play Scrabulous!) It is like I am back in middle school. I can't help but wonder why I am not in the popular crowd? I look for all the people I know past and present and try to connect with them. I try to make them my friend. This connection however does not make a true friendship. I do not know how many of these friends will have my back when say I am losing horribly at a Scrabulous game!

I know I have to have a conversation with my daughter. I know one day she will be on Facebook and not to just to play Scrabulous like me. We have discussed possible dangers on the web before but now I want to discuss what a true connection a.k.a. friendship is on the web. I want them to see these sites on the web are just like the dreadway hallways in middle school. It is not so bad really but I want them to remain true to their definition of friendship. I want them to know like I know that "wriends" come and go but their pictures will stay on your Facebook page forever.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Stay home & work? My double life or double whammy.

I am in my summer mode. I see all of my summer friends at the swim club and want to hang out with them. I am a teacher so I get the summers off. It is like I live a double life. I get to work and be a stay-at-home mom. Most of my summer friends do not work. They stay at home with their kids all year round. I want to stay at home too.

They are so busy. I can't believe what they do in a day. They also volunteer so much. I think if I stayed home I would read a lot. I mean a lot & catch up on my t.v. Most of my friends say that they are bored with their stay-at-home lives. They want to work. I want to work too.

Working full time and raising kids is tough. There is no down time unless you squeeze it in or feel enormously guilty. Even in the summer I feel guilty if I am not with my kids because I do not see them as much during the school year. They love this because they are pre-teens now. It is not cool to be followed around by your mom.

My favorite comment is how lucky I am to be a teacher and lead this double life. Just remember I take care of my own kids and your kids too. I grade lots of papers. There is no 9:15-10:15 coffee break or three martini lunch. Plus I work extra hard so when I am off then I can be with my kids.

Sitting by the pool though I dream about staying at home all year round. Who cares if the pool freezes over? I would have a super clean house with super clean kids. I would be in super shape and make super meals. I would have time to shop for super clothes and even more super shoes. The only problem is who brings home all that super money?! Oh yes, I better go back and be that super teacher so I can at least have a super summer.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

For every season eat, eat and eat some more

Mmmm I have in my fridge right now fresh strawberries, berry pie, tabbouleh and hummus. I just realized I not only like cakes and pies but I am a seasonal eater. It happened all of sudden last week when the sun came out and my stomach started growling. It wanted specific things like ripe berries with whip cream, of course, and vine-ripened tomatoes.

I suffer willingly from this affliction. I love to try new food and I change my menu weekly when I go to the store. It feels like these menus depend on the season. I do not want strawberries in November. In November, I am craving pumpkin pie and stews rich with potatoes and chunks of beef. After those cravings go away, I am onto sugar cookies and Mexican tea cakes. Can anyone say Christmas?

I know it sounds like my stomach wants holiday foods but in the spring I crave asparagus and in the fall it is squash. I have yet to see a holiday revolving around a long green stalk of asparagus. I don't just see the foods in the store front and center for me to buy to want them. It seems my brain and my stomach know what it wants before I enter the grocery store.

I would never fight these cravings. I relish them - not to make a pun. I love these long days of June. I am storing up as much sun as I can for the long, hard Michigan winters. Part of the our summer tradition now is to go to the farmer's market where my choices are fresh, local produce. Luckily, whatever they offer looks great to me. I love the bowl of fresh salad in June with a side of berries but please do not forget the whipped cream!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Am I frugally green enough?

As I am the middle of a huge life change, I have two goals. One is to be more frugal. The other is to help the environment. I believe doing one lends itself to doing the other but do either make a big enough impact? I am trying to buy less, do less less, drive less and basically breathe less.

The frugality is interesting because I have children. They need so much. They do so much. I have cut down on purchases and extras for myself. I have to question though how frugal I am when I spend so much on my kids. Plus the main reason I use my car is to drive them here and there. By the way, where are you carpool moms?

I am buying less too. So I have cut down all of the packaged things I used to buy. I am buying more in bulk and in larger packages. You should see my bag of flour. I am trying to bake bread. The sad thing is it so good when it done, the whole family eats all of the freshly baked bread in1 hour much less 1 day! I have tried to say bye-bye to plastic bags. I use my recycled bags when I remember them! Why doesn't Target have the bags you can use & bring back?

I do not know if I am making an impact on the world or my own pocket book. My husband says our monthly savings are up. My kids say the bread is good. I am biking 20% of the time which should help my saddle bags. So maybe I should be happy with the little changess and hope it all falls into place from there.

p.s. Does anyone have a used scooter with 3 side carts for sale to replace my mini-van?

Thursday, June 19, 2008

When does control go? Where does it go? I need a pre-teen monitor!

Remember the baby monitor. I was only a few feet away from my sleeping babies but I could hear their quiet breathing as they slept. I clutched that baby monitor in my hands whether I was going for a few seconds or a 1/2 hour out in the yard to play with the my older child. I knew my babies were safe. Now I have a 10 year old son who is venturing out into the world and growing up quicker than I thought. I need to find a pre-teen monitor with a video camera.

I am an in-between mom. I had my kids earlier than most. I missed out on the play groups & the mom bonding of the moms who had their babies in their thirties and decided to stay at home. Most of my friends either have grandchildren or babies. My kids are pre-teens right now. I have learned from older friends about some things but I do not have a group of moms to bounce my thoughts off of many times. I have to wing it.

My son is ten and ready to be out in the world. His world albeit consists of a few square blocks in our neighborhood and the swim club. He has an "emergency" cell phone because he cannot technically have a cell phone. Our family rule is 6th graders get cell phones, not 5th graders. Yesterday, he got in trouble at the club for goofing off. I did not swoop in but let him handle this situation. There were some tears but hopefully this helped him understand that some of his jokes are not funny to others. There were some tears by me because I had to let him work through this situation on his own.

He also has no fear. His older sister was more hesitant to do all the big kid stuff. He jumps right in. He said he was thinking of crossing one of major roads to visit a friend all by himself. My daughter still won't. I think he is this way because he has been able to watch her grow up. They are only two years apart. He gets the luxury of watching her do all of the firsts & seeing her experience the fear and dread that they may not work out.

It is not a luxury nor fun for me to decide if he is old enough. At my house growing up, there were always firm dates and rules. I could not get my ears pierced until 6th grade. I was not allowed to wear black until well into high school. I did not like my mom very much for these rules because I had an older sister who was 4 years older than me and wanted to catch up with her. I however knew what to expect, when to do it and how to do many things way earlier because of her. My mom says she had these rules because she wanted us to have things to look forward to as we aged. I think it was because she was not ready herself to have 4 pseudo grown-up teen-agers living with her. It also gave me cause to rebel.

My son's world is much bigger and more complicated than mine ever was. I was not allowed to watch Three's Company which aired 1 night for 1/2 hour. Now, my son can turn on the t.v. and pretty much find any kind of t.v. show good, bad and ugly at any hour. I find I have to discuss more things with him than my mother ever thought to discuss with me. So who has control? Is it me, him or the t.v.? I try to keep a good balance in his life. I try to help him stay a 10 year old. So where is my monitor? What tells me when he is in trouble? What tells me when he is o.k. What tells me when to back off? Anybody interested in inventing this next great invention?

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

What a day of nothing that became something and everything

Summertime & the livin' is easy & cold if you are in Michigan right now. I got so much not done today. I am proud that I crossed nothing off my list. There were no plans. There was no agenda. How many times can I say that?

The only bummer was I woke up at 6:30 a.m. so I dragged my blankets & pillow to the couch. I caught up on bad t.v. My son came out & climbed on the couch to ensure maximum heat since it was hovering at a chilly 60 degrees this a.m. with no heat in sight. My daughter meandered out after that & we watched some more bad t.v.

She had to go to help at her camp & I had to play tennis. Although it was more of a joy than a task for both of us. I felt so good I took my son to Gamestop & let him spend time there. I think that actually means more than the money I spend there. I also got the bonus of having just enough time to stroll through TJMaxx before picking up my daughter from camp. I scored a great pair of madras shorts & a bra in my size. It was $25 for both. I love being frugal.

Then, let's see, ummm I had a few potato chips. I took a nap. I read and read and read some more. I rode my bike to return a DVD and went to Target. My daughter had tennis try-outs. She made the team. As I sat watching her, I enjoyed some catching up with summer friends at the swim club. Then it was home again. Did I mention I rode my bike twice?

Dinner was last minute. We had huge plates of waffles and bacon. This meal was decided on at the last minute on this cold day. I cut up apples with melted brown sugar & butter. My son called them candy apple waffles. My daughter had some gnocci. After dinner, my husband came home. I read some more and finished the book. My husband and I took a walk while the kids met up with friends. Ahh, there were no decisions that had to be made. We had the luxury of time. We filled it with a bunch of whatevers, whenevers and hopefully made some good memories.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I love the '00's - NOT

I just watched "I love the 70's" on VH1 today. I can't believe it but I miss the 70's. I remember my Malibu Beach Barbie fondly. I had 2 K-Tel records which made a pre-teen extra cool. I longed for those shoes with the skates built in. What I remember most of all is my parents. My mom with her Dorothy Hamill bob and extra big sunglasses playing bridge and making tacos by hand. (She actually fried up the tortilla shells for us) My dad in his plaid shorts and huge sideburns mowing the lawn every Saturday and just trying to catch a score of a game on the t.v. in between. The supermarket was filled with Tang, sugar cereals and hamburger Helper and nobody cared.

Do I love the 00's? Will I look back fondly on all of the events now that we are 8 years into it? I do not own an IPod. I do not have a have Smart car. I have not gone green, well maybe lime green. We have failed to buy a new HDTV. I do have extra big sunglasses and play Euchre. Those two things just make me feel like I am copying times past.

I also cry every time I fill up my gas tank. I cringe when I have to buy milk. I hate plastic water bottles now because they cause cancer. Well, come to think of it, everything in the 00's cause cancer. My clothes are all made by little children in sweatshops in countries I can't find on the map. We pay twice as many bills as my parents because we have two phones, Internet service and cable.

Maybe the 00's are called the 00's because they are adding up to nothing. I am trying to stay upbeat. I know my kids will be able to get a few semesters of college in. We however cannot pass the car onto them because it will be obsolete by then. I know that I am buying local produce even though it costs twice as much. Do you think the people at VH-1 are already starting to write "I love the 00's" or will they change the format to "Can't wait for the 00's to end."?

Monday, June 16, 2008

Helpless but full of hope

I am sad. I am mad. I am upset. I am angry. I am helpless. I just found out a friend has cancer. It is early yet so nobody knows what is happening. It is early yet so nobody knows what to do. Do you run out & buy a card? Do you run out and bake a dinner for the family? Do you run out and scream at the world?

This is not a close friend but this is a person I consider a friend. We go out as part of a group together occasionally. When I first started my job she was always a person who greeted me with a smile. I have taught her son. I chose my son's nursery school based on her and her family. So what do I do now? This is one of many times that I have a friend who was not best friend go through a crisis. I do not know the rules. I sit back & feel helpless. I call closer friends of those friends and offer my help.

I hate this. I want to let her know she is in my thoughts but I do not want to intrude. Last time this happened I sent the person a funny card. The other time I chipped in a gift certificate to a spa. I hopefully can something like that for her too. I know there is strength in prayer so I will send as many to her as I can. I never read about this problem in any advice column. I wonder what others do when they run into this issue. How do you help when you are close but not close enough?

I hope this is caught soon enough. I hope all will be well. I hope she gets enough strength & support from her loved ones. I hope I can send her positive thoughts & prayers to get through this. So maybe if I let everybody in blogland know then they will send their thoughts & prayers too...

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Shopping with a 12 year old a.k.a."Mums" the word.

I have learned after my 12,000 shopping trips with my daughter to keep my mouth shut. Yesterday, we went on the hunt for a new bikini. She already has 3 or 4 but none are right for her upcoming pool party. I have protested at home but she wants a 2 certain pieces she does have. I am a frugal mom. She has been babysitting. We are going to split the price

My daughter is a good shopper. She does her pre-shopping online then we go to the mall to get the things she wants. I do not hate the mall. In fact, I love the mall. I just do not have the patience to shop with someone else. I am also a quick chooser. If I cannot walk in & see it in 2 seconds then I am done and gone. My daughter loves to grab racks of clothes to try on. I sit off to the side waiting for her to come out. If I make a suggestion or a comment then I may ruin the whole process. She may grab whole new racks of clothes. It is the golden rule that if mom likes it then it is not cool. My new favorite clothing stores are now the ones where I see lots of chairs for me.

The pre-shopping works sometimes. Yesterday it did not. I thought we would be in and out. That particular store did not have the bottoms she wanted out of the 5 selections. I know you want to know why we did not order online or call ahead. First, she needed it in 2 days. Second, the store had temporarily moved to redecorate and nobody was answering the phone. We moved on to another store.

My daughter has grown and in her pre-teen mind did not want to move up a size in bikinis. In the second store I found my corner and she went in with her 15 choices. Each top did not fit right. I humbly suggesting getting the next size up. This was deemed as unacceptable with a little stomp to accompany it. That was a rookie mistake. I opened my mouth to give her an opinion. My daughter has a great look which mixes up a what do I know signal with how dare you open your mouth. I have lost my fashion sense but I have still have the upper hand because I still hold the fashion "cents". I wait patiently in my chair.

We go to the third store. The third store is a little more upscale with tinier clothes especially the bikinis. I cross my fingers and remember to keep my mouth shut. I know it is here in tiny bikini-land that she will find the one she loves. I look for the fox hole to jump in when I say no.
It is a miracle! She does not like one of the $100 teeny-weeny bikinis. She does however like 2 pairs of shorts and 2 tank tops. These do total $100.

The fourth store has nothing, nada, zip. I even make the mistake of holding up what I thought was the style she wants. Oh no, did I not see that tiny, globby thing on the left part of the bikini that just ruins it. Where are my bi-focals? Where is my muzzle? I see over in the corner a large department store with semi-reasonable prices. I know she has never been there. I know they will have racks of suits. Do I dare?

I hate department store and rarely take her to one. It is too much work to go through the endless racks of clothes. One bonus is they do have chairs in the dressing room. I make the suggestion and she accepts. We go in. Immediately, she finds 4 suits that match her style. We grab 6 others just in case. She tries them on. The first 4 do not do look good. I am sitting and I am calm. I have said little. We are agreeing. The next 6 do not look good. I am sitting and now I am praying. I am sent out for a different size bottom. I also suggest getting maybe getting a different size top too. It is accepted. A Christmas miracle in June. I'll take it.

As I am going for the 2 items, I also grab 3 other suits that may work. I open the dressing room door quickly and throw them in. My hand comes back out intact. She tries them on! Guess what, 1 of my choices works. I say nothing and remained seated. I look around for another mom to celebrate with but I am alone. The best news of all is they are having a sale too.

She comes out. She is not willing to commit and we put the bikini on hold at the cash register. We need to go to 2 more stores. I smile and nod. She does not see the tear trickling down my left cheek nor the limp I now have. I think we have circled the mall 3 times. The next store has no good bikinis but it has great flip-flops. We buy them and we leave. The next store is the first store and we are going back to double check. In this store, we now find a dress for an up-coming party. Cha-ching. I now have tears going down both cheeks and an empty wallet.

As we exit this store, I cannot think of another place or another style bikini. I want to be done. I do not want to go into another dark cave reeking of cheap cologne resembling a hip place without chairs. She turns to me and say that she is ready to buy the one on hold. I regain my strength I even do a little jig but I say nothing. If I say I love the suit I might lose the deal.

I sprint to the store. There is no in line. Am I heaven? Did I die on the way? I say nothing. We buy the suit. We leave the mall. The sun is still out. It is still the same day. I have survived even though I spent 3x more than I thought I would. We drive down the street and she is rifling through her bags. Then I hear the dreaded "Mom, where is my Gap bag?". I silently turn the car around and head back to mall.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Bodenite, bodenphile

O.k., o.k. I have a serious hang-up. There are very few things in life that I love. One major thing I have is a serious crush on Boden: www.bodenusa.com. It started a few years ago when the catalog came in my mail. I opened it up & saw on every page clothing I could, I would & I did buy. I do not know what caught my eye first. Was it the simplicity of the clothes? The newness of the catalog? The cool models on every page who told names & small bits of info about themselves.

I also dream of working for them. I dream they call me out of the blue & say they noticed I am their number one purchaser with an eye for style. Could I come work for them? Oh yes, I would say. Let's discuss it over a cup of tea & a scone!

I also dream the owner of the company. Johnnie Boden spots me in the airport in one of his smashing yet casually chic outfits. He instantly falls in luv. He asks me to come to England to be with him. O.k. JK, I know he is married. But wouldn't it be great to be married to him & open up my closet or just walk into the office. I would have my pick of clothes.

I am drawn to their clothes and the lifestyle on the pages (beaches & outdoors everywhere yet many weekend in the city pics). I am around 30-40 & do not want to look 20 nor do I want to look 50. Where, oh, where does my age shop? I first ordered a simple, long, pink tweed jacket with fringe a few years ago. It was perfect for those dress up times when I did not need to be in a formal length gown (ha) but needed to look chic & cool. Mind you this is a a catalog from Great Britain not Paris. (where a French teacher should shop) I wore that jacket with jeans. I wore with a simple black skirt. I had a great little scarf that I tied around my neck with it. Oh, I was the Boden in Paris girl.

Their skirts are brilliant, just brilliant. (I do have to throw some British slang in here.) My first skirt was a brown velvet with large appliques that I bought 4-5 years ago! The compliments I still get today give me chills. Women will stop me & ask where I bought such a great skirt. I tell them it is vintage Boden now. Their summer skirts are just as cool! I have bought 1 a year starting with a smart red & cream designed skirt and ending last year with a pink, blue & cream print skirt that I match with a blue & cream striped top. I am so classy mixing prints.

I cannot end this blog without bringing up the children's clothes. For a few years my daughter too received a great summer dress that she could wear anywhere. Alas, she has outgrown Boden. I have passed the addiction to my sister and her 1 1/2 year old. Her daughter now sports the Boden line. My son wore his flannel, comfy pants to death. He refused to give them up even with the holes everywhere.

Sadly, I am on a budget now. I cannot make as many purchases from Johnnie & his crew. I look for their sales & have bought 1-2 key pieces this year! Johnnie, I will not forget you. I get your emails & your letters a.k.a. catalogs. I will remain faithful. I will never leave you totally. If you ever get to Michigan you have to look me up. If I ever get over the pond, I will stop by and discuss upcoming fashions. maybe you'll like my ideas and ask me to stay. I am a little older but would make a great intern. I can fetch the tea from Starbuck's- they know me there too! (that is another blog)

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Summertime & the livin' is

I love the beginning of summer. I have a list. (It is only in my mind. It is summer & I should taking it easy. O.k., it will now be on this blog too) I know what I want to do & when i want to do it. This list will be great and I have so much time to do it.

This summer for our family will be a cool summer. It will not be because of the temperature but because my kids are older. Everyone is working on the art of sleeping in. That is first on list, going slowly.

We are going to use as little gas as possible. We will be biking, biking, biking. This should work in my favor. I will should be able to burn off a few more calories.

We will be having ice cream for dinner. My kids love ice cream. When we get it though there is usually a cap on what they can get. For this dinner, they can get whatever they want. Of course, we'll bike there.

I am super-excited about going strawberry picking. In my older age, I am reverting to better times & memories. I remember berry picking with my mom. I do not remember what she did with all of those berries. For me, I am hoping to have frozen berries for the winter.

We will be playing tennis, watching tennis & practicing for football. We are a sports-oriented family. I just got new shoes for tennis & I can't wait to try them out. My oldest is on the club tennis team which is always fun to watch. My youngest is playing football in the fall which starts in July!

We will be grilling out. We have a new pattern at our house. My youngest is old enough to help me cook. He turns on the grill & helps cook the meat. As we are sitting around eating dinner, he then wants to play Taboo. It seems to be becoming a tradition.

Finding a new game & Scrabble. It seems every summer we get hooked on a new board game. The kids find it first either at the club or from a friend's house. We buy one ourselves and play it endlessly. We also play Scrabble on Sundays after dinner with grandpa. It is funny but nobody ever plans these games. They just always end up happening.

Reading, reading, reading. I never have enough time to read during the year. I try to make up for it over the summer. The kids have always signed up for the reading program at our local library. Sadly, I think this year both are too old. I will try one more time with my youngest. I think we have to come up with our own program.

Looking at this list, it looks so simple. There is nothing complicated & nothing rushed. So maybe it is not a list. I do not have to check these items off. I know they will get done on their own time.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Scrabulous a.k.a. Clique the button to win

I admit it. I am addicted to Scrabulous on Facebook. It is perfect for me. I can play Scrabble whenever I want & I am connected. For those of you who do not know Scrabulous is simply an online community of people looking to play Scrabble against each other. Yes, I am part word nerd. I have always loved words & spelling. Since they do not have an adult spelling bee, I must use Scrabble/Scrabulous as an outlet for my insane word addiction. But it has also added an interesting twist in my social life too. Scrabulous is just like junior high, I can pitch & ditch my friends as needed.

I first realized my new power of cliquing this morning as I was looking to join a Scrabulous game. You have an option to join a "table" or game just like the cafeteria in junior high. I was perusing my choices and noticed that I was more interested in the pictures of the people who wanted to play than their ratings. I had many choices yet I still looked for my peeps. Where are the moms in their black t-shirts with shoulder length-layered hair flanked by their 2-3 children and a dog? I have a hard time picking people who choose to be artsy in their pics. It takes too much courage to bare my inner soul to the whole Facebook communty like that. I skim over the people who are giving lewd looks or trying be sexy. This is about words not body parts. (o.k. I have used body part words just to get a few points in the actual game)

I want to be with the people just like me. I need the moms or the dads. I do not want to hang with the bizarre, crazy, fanatical or outlandish. I feel like I am holding my lunch tray in the school cafeteria skimming the crowd for my kind. I am still cliquing at the age of 30sh! Is this insecurity? I am only playing a game that may last a few hours or a few days. Chances are I will never see their photo or Scrabble with them ever again. I still can't do it. I still can't press the button & accept the world. I still click the buttons to find my clique.

It is just a game.

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