Pre-teen with teen ideals

I do not know who invented the word pre-teen. It is a subtle warning to all that will come. I would like to now throw a new word into the lexicon: pre-forty. Both words sound so much better than the actual words: teen & forty. My daughter is on the cusp of thirteen & I am on the cusp of forty. This is not a good mix. I feel tired and old but I am supposed to look 28! My daughter is young and fresh but she is supposed to look older and cool.

I know I can remember my own teen age years but I never had to deal with myself as a teen. There is no pre- to our 12 year old anymore. I think we are now officially in the teens.

I did not get any warnings. The pre- left with her flavored lip glosses and cute books about lost puppies who find their way home. The pre- left quietly in all of her pink and purple and sometimes tomboyish innocence. She left without saying a L8R or LOL! BTW, the pre-teen wants to take her cute pink cell phone with her & expects a newer and better one its place.

The teen then just showed up. She ran into the house, left her stuff in the hallway and ran to her room without a word or a text message. I had seen the teen lurking around before this with her new piercing needs and her excessive phone use. I had hoped she would ease herself into the mix but I have learned that is not possible.

First, I want to know what the chat abbreviation for moody is. Then, I would invent one for outlandish expectations and even greater needs. She has not cranked the music up yet but I am trying to find my sweet daughter through all of the wires she is attached to. The teen spent 10 hours at the mall this weekend in two separate days. During this time, she spent all of her babysitting money on even more tank tops and another cute little change purse. She never called but instead TM'ed me when she needed something like a ride. (Hey moms, where are all of you? Why I am I the ride mom?)

The teen also attended a birthday party. Afterwards, it was expressed to me that her friend's mom was cooler than moi because I will not throw her a grand, extravagant birthday party this year like her friend had. The teen could not be dropped off any earlier than the party's start but when we arrived late, this all of my fault. How horrible to be 3 minutes late. Before this, there were 5 clothing changes and a trip to the drugstore in order to get a forgotten card. The icing on this birthday cake was that my teen was not happy that we took her brother to the movies w/o her because she was at this party.

Oh, pre-teen you can come back and visit anytime. I loved your shyness and your silliness. I loved your inability to tell time or even care about it. I have your room ready. It is the one we did together that you absolutely loved and now want to repaint. I loved buying everything for you in sweet flavors. I loved helping you find clothes instead of just sitting outside the store. Most of all, I would love for you to give me a few clues about the teen. Don't just leave her and myself hanging. I see her every once in awhile using the strawberry lip gloss and I know you are around. I know you can relate and can tell me how.

When does control go? Where does it go? I need a pre-teen monitor!

Remember the baby monitor. I was only a few feet away from my sleeping babies but I could hear their quiet breathing as they slept. I clutched that baby monitor in my hands whether I was going for a few seconds or a 1/2 hour out in the yard to play with the my older child. I knew my babies were safe. Now I have a 10 year old son who is venturing out into the world and growing up quicker than I thought. I need to find a pre-teen monitor with a video camera.

I am an in-between mom. I had my kids earlier than most. I missed out on the play groups & the mom bonding of the moms who had their babies in their thirties and decided to stay at home. Most of my friends either have grandchildren or babies. My kids are pre-teens right now. I have learned from older friends about some things but I do not have a group of moms to bounce my thoughts off of many times. I have to wing it.

My son is ten and ready to be out in the world. His world albeit consists of a few square blocks in our neighborhood and the swim club. He has an "emergency" cell phone because he cannot technically have a cell phone. Our family rule is 6th graders get cell phones, not 5th graders. Yesterday, he got in trouble at the club for goofing off. I did not swoop in but let him handle this situation. There were some tears but hopefully this helped him understand that some of his jokes are not funny to others. There were some tears by me because I had to let him work through this situation on his own.

He also has no fear. His older sister was more hesitant to do all the big kid stuff. He jumps right in. He said he was thinking of crossing one of major roads to visit a friend all by himself. My daughter still won't. I think he is this way because he has been able to watch her grow up. They are only two years apart. He gets the luxury of watching her do all of the firsts & seeing her experience the fear and dread that they may not work out.

It is not a luxury nor fun for me to decide if he is old enough. At my house growing up, there were always firm dates and rules. I could not get my ears pierced until 6th grade. I was not allowed to wear black until well into high school. I did not like my mom very much for these rules because I had an older sister who was 4 years older than me and wanted to catch up with her. I however knew what to expect, when to do it and how to do many things way earlier because of her. My mom says she had these rules because she wanted us to have things to look forward to as we aged. I think it was because she was not ready herself to have 4 pseudo grown-up teen-agers living with her. It also gave me cause to rebel.

My son's world is much bigger and more complicated than mine ever was. I was not allowed to watch Three's Company which aired 1 night for 1/2 hour. Now, my son can turn on the t.v. and pretty much find any kind of t.v. show good, bad and ugly at any hour. I find I have to discuss more things with him than my mother ever thought to discuss with me. So who has control? Is it me, him or the t.v.? I try to keep a good balance in his life. I try to help him stay a 10 year old. So where is my monitor? What tells me when he is in trouble? What tells me when he is o.k. What tells me when to back off? Anybody interested in inventing this next great invention?